A Perfectionist starts an Ugly Blog.

There were many reasons I decided to start a blog, but the main one was that I was tired of spending more time worrying about Instagram (and what people would think of my Instagram) than I was on my actual job.

I missed the old internet.

I wanted to live out my Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail/Carrie Bradshaw (before she became completely insufferable around season 4) dreams.

I wanted to build a body of work, not spend every day rotating between freeze and fawn mode just trying to keep up on Instagram.

There had to be a better way.

And eventually, I decided to take my own advice: long-form it is.

As a podcast manager/editor/producer, starting my own show is a maybe one day, but not right now thing. Which left me with blogging or Substack. I already have my own website, so…

Blogging it is.

One thing about me is that I have never, ever run out of ideas. If anything, I’m drowning in them.

So I opened a Google Doc, added around 15 tabs for each of the ideas swimming around my brain, gave each one a working title and thought…

Okay. Let’s write.

And then it began.

The perfectionist on my shoulder chirped up.

She had some questions for me:

Unfortunately for her, the other shoulder is occupied by another resident devil: the overthinker.

And she LOVES a challenge.

Meanwhile, me:

Exhausted. Overwhelmed. Already over the idea.

Just wanting a nap.

And after 35 years of this BS every time I want to try something, start something or become something, I’d genuinely had enough.

So I went rogue.

I did something that made me actually itch with discomfort.

I started an ugly blog.

I stopped trying to start the prettiest blog. I stopped trying to become the best writer on earth before I’d written a single post. I stopped trying to prepare for every possible outcome of a thing I hadn’t even started yet.

And I made the goal the exact opposite of what my demonic duo wanted me to do.

Do it ugly.

Do it unprepared.

Dive into the unknown with nothing but a Meg Ryan dream and a MacBook.

Because maybe the point isn’t to convince myself that I’m a good writer before I start writing.

Maybe the point is just to write.

This ugly blog is dedicated to every brilliant woman plagued by the same ailments. Whose brain is a fully functioning (often over-functioning) idea machine. Who has dreams and thoughts and things she wants to try, make, start and become.

But gets stopped every. single. time.

Because the scary thing is that, left unchecked, these two will rule your life.

They’ll make your decisions for you.

And eventually, you can end up building a life not around the things you want, but around protecting the little goblins in your brain who - let’s be honest - make your life hell anyway.

So this is me trying something different.

I don’t know if I’m a good writer.

I don’t know if I’ll still be posting here in a year.

I don’t know if anyone is going to read it.

I don’t even really know what I’m doing yet.

But there is now one more blog post on the internet than there would have been if I’d listened to them.

And I think that’s a really good place to start.

I don’t know what your ugly blog is.

Maybe it’s an ugly TikTok or Instagram account. Maybe it’s an ugly manuscript, Substack, podcast, business idea, painting, first draft or whatever else you’ve been endlessly preparing to be good at before you’ve allowed yourself to actually do it.

Whatever it is, this is your sign to start.

Get in, loser. We’re making it ugly.